Whenever people see the solarium on the back of the house, usually
the first thing they say is, what a wonderful place to have morning
coffee and watch the birds! Well, while I don't drink coffee, I do...
Love to watch the birds from the solarium!
Especially early in the morning when everyone has breakfast on the mind!
Fortunately, I filled every bird feeder on the
property last night before I went to bed...
Which means there's plenty for everyone... Even the chipmunks!
All eleven of them!
I like them. But they do tend to...
Annoy the birds!
Especially birds watching their young, trying to train them
to use the feeders. Like this momma Cardinal and her...
Young, son
As I watch them, I can't help but think how easy momma-Cardinal makes it
look. She's survived on her own to adulthood, protected a nest from various
predators and worked hard to feed and nurture her baby. And now, against
considerable odds, her son is flying on his own. You know, I have a young
son too. And, despite my best efforts, he can't seem to leave our nest...
The pain, heartbreak and struggle to raise him has been constant. Twenty-
one and a half years, to be exact. And, just when I begin to trust a corner
might get turned and, I believe healing might actually be a possibility...
It all falls spectacularly apart and we end up
even further behind where we last started!
The things we've tried would flat-out astound you. They are things that
would require you to wonder how it is that I am still able to get out of bed in
the morning or how it is that there is still a dime left in my accounts. And yet,
here I am! Still plugging away on faith that one day he'll wake up and get it...
Get that he is amazing and capable of overcoming anything and
absolutely everything he doubts about himself and the world...
And, more! If only he would trust himself and be less afraid. And, less critical
and judgmental of us. And, be more motivated. And, more eager for a happy
life of his own. A life that rewards him and, punishes us less. I wonder a lot...
and judgmental of us. And, be more motivated. And, more eager for a happy
life of his own. A life that rewards him and, punishes us less. I wonder a lot...
About what else I might do or say to inspire him. God knows the life his father and I
have built together and, most certainly all his brother has accomplished should be
more than enough to demonstrate that anything he could imagine is possible. But
incredibly, it's not. Nothing has worked to set his sail. There is only defiance...
There is one strategy left... A strategy that goes against all it means
to be a parent. A strategy that says I love you enough to suffer the
pain that comes from letting you go... Letting you go to build a life
of your own without the input and guidance you so seem to resist
to be a parent. A strategy that says I love you enough to suffer the
pain that comes from letting you go... Letting you go to build a life
of your own without the input and guidance you so seem to resist
I'm once again waiting for the other shoe to drop. Wondering what
next event it will be, before I screw up the courage again to let him go...